Her Knight in Dented Armor
As often as I have heard the phrase, “A knight in shining armor”, and as much as it paints a beautifully gallant picture, I fear that I have not been fully comfortable with it. Perhaps the idea of shining armor seems a little unrealistic to me. There is the sense that the armor that I am wearing has been to battle with me, and as a result, is no longer shiny. My armor has received scratches and dents, and I have received bruises, because while it has succeeded in protecting my life and my faith, it was never intended to be comfortable, or to prevent pain.
I think it is useful for me to become comfortable with this thought, because as a human, I can be tempted to fear an undertaking that appears to be unattainable. This pretty picture of me sitting tall, with my armor catching the rays of the sun, on a horse that is undoubtedly white, makes me feel that I would be presumptuous to see myself in that role.
The problem with giving in to this fear, or thinking it has to be that pretty picture or nothing, is that it provides an excuse to abdicate the role that God has ordained for me as a husband. What role is that? Ephesians 5:25-27 describes part of what it means:
25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself up for it; 26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word 27 that he might present the church to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. (ASV)
The first few words begin to make an impact, but when verse 26 and 27 comes along, one begins to think of the way that Christ, by sacrificing Himself, made his bride spotless, holy, and without blame. It was loving of Him to do that, wasn’t it? The problem is that this is the kind of love that husbands are commanded to give to their wives. I am commanded to lay down my desires, my will, and my pride, for the joy of seeing her as spotless, holy, and without blame. For over a decade, I have set this as a goal, with the sense that it has been my human limitation that kept me from loving as much as Christ loved. More recently, though, I have begun to accept the power of God in me through Christ, and have declared, that I can, in fact, do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me. Because of this, there is no longer any excuse to not love as Christ loved. The battle is no longer whether I can or not, but the uncomfortable fact that somewhere in my flesh, I am not consistent with WANTING to love someone that much. I would prefer to not put the flesh to death sometimes, I am afraid. There are times when I would like to justify myself rather than her.
Now, before anyone rises up in arms in defense of my wife in particular, let me say that my reluctance is not a reflection on my wife, but a reflection of the fact that the battle of flesh against spirit is still being fought within me. It is now no longer the difficulty of the task that makes me uncomfortable, because it is really Jesus loving through me, and not me loving. Instead, the thing that makes me uncomfortable is the fact that now I know I can do it, but still fail to obey.
Rather than punishing myself for this, however, I return to Christ, in whom is all grace, and ask for forgiveness, reaffirming my faith that He can fulfill the law in me, and reaffirming my desire to have Him do so.
So, what does this have to do with dented armor? To me, it means “no excuses”. I may not look like my own picture of perfection, and probably not like someone else’s picture of perfection, but Christ has chosen to call me blameless. Maybe my armor is shiny after all!
