Whom She Wishes
This article is the last in the "God the Matchmaker" series. If you haven't read the previous ones, you may wish to read them before reading this one.
Up to this point in the series, we have looked at Adam and Eve, Isaac and Rebekah, and some sons of the tribe of Benjamin and their wives. We have found that God works in all kinds of ways. This is by no means an exhaustive treatment of marriages in the Bible, but it covers the examples that God impressed on my heart as a young single man.
The years that I was single but considered myself "available" were years in which I had a dream that had not yet been filled. I had come to the point of realizing that I truly desired God's guidance in my search for a wife. The reason for this wasn't as spiritual as you might think: I just knew that I'd be happier if my marriage was founded God's wisdom, and I wanted to be happy.
An interesting thing that happened in the process of seeking God, was the fact that I found God. This should be no surprise, because it is exactly what God promises in His word: "You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart. — Jeremiah 29:13 NASV
As God taught me what He did during those years, His word was the foundation, and provided examples. God's Holy Spirit used these examples to illuminate principles of truth. Thus, even though an account was about a particular person or group of people, I was able to have it applied to my live.
The main scripture for this article follows shortly, and it gives instruction for a very specific group of people in the church at Corinth. As the Holy Spirit had done with the other examples, He showed me that I could learn something from the passage that would apply to me personally. Here is some instruction that Paul gives in regard to widows remarrying:
A wife is bound as long as her husband lives; but if her husband is dead, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord. — 1 Corinthians 7:39 NASV
The part of this passage that stood out to me as a young man, had nothing to do with the fact that it was referring to widows. Instead, I saw here that God was explicitly giving a woman the freedom to marry the man she wished to marry, as long as that man was a believer who was abiding in Christ. Why was this important to me, as a young man? The answer lies in the fact that when God allows the freedom to make this choice, He is putting His blessing or stamp of approval on a marriage. If she is allowed to marry John Doe, then it follows that John Doe is allowed to marry her. Because of this, I came to see a woman's acceptance of my proposal of marriage as an indication of God's will. Not the first indication of His will, certainly, but an indication, none the less. The proviso given in the passage in Corinthians was, "... only in the Lord." This meant that as I claimed this bit of Scripture, it was my responsibility to be a man who was abiding in Christ.
Since this is the last article in this series, I would like to take the time to summarize what God taught me through examples in the Bible.
I had been motivated to seek God because of my desire for marriage, a desire that was partly due to my longing for the kind of companionship that exists nowhere else in human relationships. As I thought about making the decision about who to marry, I came to realize that there was the possibility for me to choose someone based on reasons that really didn't matter in the long run. I knew from a very practical standpoint that God's wisdom was far above my wisdom. Looking ahead to marriage, I saw God's will as being the path that would lead to the greatest joy.
As my journey of seeking God progressed, I came to realize that human longing is often a tool that God uses to get our attention. I came to see that the Giver was worth much more than the gift I was seeking.
Being the careful and conscientious person that I was and am, I started to search for answers to the question of how I would know God's will for sure. My answer to this question came to me as the result of learning life principles as set out by examples in God's word. In the example of Adam, God's will was clear. God brought the woman to the man. In the example of Isaac, the selection had been made on his behalf, with God's direction, and Isaac received his wife when he had his attention turned on God. In the case of the children of Benjamin, God used something as "un-spiritual" as personal attraction to bring people together. When men of Corinth married those who had been widows, their wives' selection became an indication of God's will.
It is amazing to me that all this condenses down to a very few words, expressing two basic ideas of the Christian faith:
- Trust God
- Obey God
God knows what He is doing, and He will do it much better than you ever could. He knows how to bring people together, and the number of methods He uses may be as great as the number of marriages that He has blessed.
If you trust someone, and they tell you to do something, the proper response is to obey. God often seems to give us instruction one step at a time. When He does, follow that step. Don't worry about step two until He gives it to you.
If you are a young man seeking a wife, wondering whether a particular one that you see is the one, remember that today's decision isn't a decision of marriage. It may be a decision to have a conversation, make a phone call, or write a letter. It may be a decision to go to your prayer closet and talk to God. If you are clear about a small step that God is directing you to take, then take that step, and leave the results up to Him.
One of the most comforting things that I have learned about finding God's will is this: It is God's will for you to know His will, and it is God's will for you to do His will. If you desire His will in your heart of hearts, God knows how to make it known to you. If you make an honest mistake in one of these small steps as you seek to trust Him, He knows how to gently and lovingly correct you.
It is my prayer that all who read this will be encouraged as they seek to follow God. Whether you are a single young man or woman seeking a life partner, or if you are seeking God's will about any large or small decision in your life, fear not! He loves you, and has promised to guide you.
Dancing Daughters of Shiloh
God works in amazing ways, doing work that brings glory to Himself. He keeps this universe in operation, but He involves Himself personally with the human race, which He created in His own image. One particular example of His involvement is the way in which He directs our personal lives.
In recent articles, filed under the category "God the Matchmaker", we've been looking at the way that God brought some couples together. Adam fell asleep and woke up married: God asked nothing of Adam in that arrangement. Isaac went to meditate, perhaps to pray, and it was during this time that God brought along his wife.
This time we will look at an example of a time when God expected more involvement from men in the process of selecting wives. Here is an excerpt of the account from the book of Judges:
20 And they commanded the children of Benjamin, saying, Go and lie in wait in the vineyards; 21 and see, and, behold, if the daughters of Shiloh come out to dance in the dances, then come ye out of the vineyards, and catch you every man his wife of the daughters of Shiloh, and go to the land of Benjamin. Judges 21:20-21 ERV
A few verses later, we see that this strategy was followed. There are probably some questions raised in your mind if this is the first time you heard this story. If you are interested in the background, you can read chapter 20 and 21 of the book of Judges, and you will see a dark, disturbing story of sin and the consequences of that sin. The whole nation of Israel suffered for that sin. Even here, in the Old Testament, though, God was showing his grace. In this particular case, God's grace prevented an entire tribe of Israel from dropping out of existence.
My focus, however, in this article, has more to do with the fact that God allowed this strategy. All Scripture is profitable for teaching, and that includes this one. In particular, I see this story as an example of the fact that God seems to be willing to allow people to be involved in the process of selecting a spouse. I highly value God's direction in my life, and I think anyone would be foolish to leave Him out of the question of whom to marry. It is possible to make the mistake, however, of thinking that the indication of God's will has to take a particular form. I remember as a young man, hearing those older than myself recount how they heard a word from God, or how they laid out a fleece that God used to indicate His will.
It was this very thing that prompted me to ask the question, "How do I know God's will"? The answer to this question became the Bible study that formed the foundation for this series of articles. The story of Adam shows us that God doesn't need our help. The story of Isaac suggests the value of making God, rather than marriage, our focus. The story of the Benjamites tells me that God can use very mundane strategies, if He chooses, to bring people together.
I've often pictured the scene. Young men, hiding in the vineyard, see the daughters of Shiloh coming out to dance. Somehow, I don't see them pausing and bowing their heads, agonizing over the choice before them. I think they looked, and chose the ones that looked good to them. (Or in some cases, the ones that ran slowly enough to be caught!) I believe this can be stated without us having to objectify people that we find attractive as we look for a spouse. Instead, I think it suggests that God has the ability to make His will evident by making people attractive to us. Since most of us have more time to make a selection than the Benjamites did, we can base attraction on more than just good looks.
In the case of my wife and myself, God brought us together as friends a long time before we became romantically interested in one another. My recognition of His will was partly a recognition of the the way that He drew the two of us together, and drew our attention towards one another. To say this in a more general way, God has the ability to be very practical about the way He manifests His will. If we are looking for something more "mystical", we may miss what He is saying to us.
I am looking forward to the next article in this series. So far, these articles have been written from a man's point of view, which is understandable, considering that I am a man. In the next article, however, I will look into a passage of scripture that makes a powerful point about a woman's role in discovering God's will about the selection of a marriage partner.
Watching for Camels
In the story of Adam, we see that God doesn't need our help when it comes to finding a marriage partner for us. Does this mean that we don't have anything to do with the process? Should we just go to sleep, expecting that God will deliver without any of our involvement?
I don't think so. I believe that God's very relational nature means that He wants us to be conscious, under most circumstances.
Yes, God is responsible. He knows what we need much better than we do. It is also a fact, however, that even God's gifts are an expression of Himself, and all our needs are met as we relate to him.
These thoughts come to me partly as the result of the following passage of scripture:
And Isaac went out to meditate in the field at the eventide: and he lifted up his eyes, and saw, and, behold, the camels were coming.Genesis 24:63 AKJV
The context here is this: Isaac's servant was sent out with the task of finding a wife for him. The camels that Isaac saw were carrying the returning servant, and the wife that God had provided for him.
As I write this, I am putting myself back into the perspective of a young man seeking God's will for marriage. I had learned through Adam's story that God doesn't really need my help.
As time went by in my 20s, and I remained single, I found myself tempted to focus on the gift I wanted, rather than the Giver of the gift. God began to teach me, though, that being married would hold no lasting joy if I was expecting my wife to be my source of joy. I began to see that my "singleness" was one of the ways that God was using to get my attention.
This is where my story connects with that of Isaac, who received his heart's desire when he went out in the field to meditate. I truly believe that Isaac's quiet time in the field was a prayer, or just quiet fellowship with God. I doubt that he was jumping up every few moments to gaze down the road: he just lifted up his eyes, when he saw the camels.
My response to this thought was to purpose in my heart to devote myself to communication and communion with God, believing that the time that I would "see the camels coming" would be a time when I was focused on Him.
In my next article on the topic of God the Matchmaker, I'll take a look at the sons of Benjamin, whose story reminded me that God is amazingly creative.
Man Goes to Sleep, Wakes up Married
This is the first of several articles about God the matchmaker. The thoughts for these essays first came to me when I was still single, and seeking to find God's will for a future life partner. I thought that it would be good to study examples from Scripture where God led couples together, hoping that it would help me to understand how He works in that regard.
Here is the case of Adam, where I will start with a passage from the second chapter of Genesis:
15 The LORD God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. 16 And the LORD God commanded the man, "You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; 17 but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will surely die."
18 The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him."
19 Now the LORD God had formed out of the ground all the beasts of the field and all the birds of the air. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds of the air and all the beasts of the field. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.
There are a couple of things here already that I find interesting. God gave the man a purpose and a command. He was to take care of the garden, but he was not to eat of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. At this point in Adam's life, there is no reason to think that there was anything but sweet fellowship between him and God.
It is this fact that makes God's statement interesting to me. He said, "It is not good for man to be alone." This is said in spite of the fact that God Himself was there, available to walk beside Adam. His next statement clarifies this a bit, when He says, "I will make a helper suitable for him."
I've heard people say that God wants us to discover that He is all we need, before He moves to provide a spouse, but this passage seems to suggest that He actually wants to meet some of our needs through the agency of another person, rather than directly through Himself.
Some questions I had while seeking God to make His will known: "How much responsibility do I have to go looking for a wife?" "How will He let me know that I've found the one He has in mind for me?" In the case of Adam, God knew the need, and took care of filling that need, with no help at all from the man. Since God was the one that recognized this need, He took complete responsibility to fill it.
Adam seemed to have difficulty talking to girls before this point, for obvious reasons. He didn't even know the first thing about women, because there weren't any yet. He fell asleep, and, and as the title says, woke up married. God did all the work, and He did it right.
As a single man, this told me that God knew what my needs were, and that He could be trusted to meet those needs. With today's viewpoint, I believe that part of what I needed was the opportunity to love as Christ loved. A "helper suitable" for me has been one who has helped my relationship with God go deeper. Learning to protect someone and provide for them, while showing grace, gives me the opportunity to become more like my Creator. I think this is what He had in mind.
In future articles, I will explore some examples where men in the Bible had more personal involvement and cooperation with God in the process of finding a wife. The next article looks at Isaac and Rebekah.