Procrastination’s Mask of Respectability
I'll get to it later.
My first question has to be why? Is it because now is truly not the time? Is it because something else is truly more important at this moment? Or, is it because the task in question is somewhat disagreeable, or involves effort, or maybe, there is something else that seems more fun?
Recently I overheard someone telling a friend that they just didn't have time for a particular activity. I thought that was interesting considering the fact that this comment was made after twenty minutes of inactivity. I don't even know what activity it was they were saying they didn't have time for, but it struck me how easy it is to tell ourselves that we don't have time, or that we will do something later.
For the past several months, I have been too busy to write here on this site. I've had time to minister in other ways, time to work, and time to be a husband and father. In those cases, perhaps I was right to spend time the way that I did. To be honest, however, I have had time to chat on Facebook, time to play computer games, to read books, watch movies, and to sit like a lump on the couch. During those times, if I thought about writing at all, I thought of it as something that I would do later.
More recently, however, I've had a bit of reality jostled into my brain by someone who suggested that I could actually plan to write. I could make an appointment with my computer for a certain day, at a certain time, and I could sit down and write for a pre-planned amount of time. As I considered this, I began to think of the fact that "later" seems to take its time getting here. For some strange reason, the time of day always seems to be now. As a result, the "later" that I'm waiting for never gets here, and I never get to the keyboard.
Here is an honest face to face encounter with reality: It is very easy to "do" all kinds of things in a theoretical way, while never doing anything practical. I can have mountains of conviction, direction, and even motivation, but if it doesn't get my body moving, it is a farce.
If I remember correctly, I was seven years old when I gave my heart to Jesus. That moment of salvation, that confessing with my mouth, that believing in my heart. Some might describe such a moment as the time when they gave their lives to God. Our lives! What a big gift! If we give our lives to God, can't we expect Him to give a few moments back? Isn't my life enough? Do I have to give him "right now", too? The problem is, our lives are made up with a long string of one "right now" after another.
In a practical way, it seem easier to give our lives to God than it does to give this moment to Him. If I examine my life I find that I am sometimes guilty of saying that He can have any day but today. That good deed He wants done can only be done at a time that will be called "right now" when we are doing it. That habit that we want to cultivate will only be cultivated during a time that will be called "right now" when we are cultivating it. That besetting sin that we find ourselves falling prey to over and over again? It's always "right now" when we give in to that sin.
Procrastination is a word that has degrees of meaning. Maybe you think of hitting that snooze button to get five more minutes of sleep. I'm not saying that is necessarily wrong, if God wants you to be resting right now. Perhaps you think of that project at home that you just haven't gotten around to, even though your spouse has been asking you for months. When you put it off, is it because you always have something more important to be doing, or is it because you would rather play "just one more hand" of computer solitaire?
Obviously, we can't do everything at once, but everything that is done in obedience to God is done in the immediate present. The key, I believe, is to know what God wants of us right now. If we are obeying, then there is no reason to feel guilty for something that we aren't doing at the moment. On the other hand, if we are not obeying, we are throwing away a span of present time that we cannot return to.
As I write this, the temptation exists to stop and pay attention to what is going on in the next room, or to take a quick peek at the email that just came in behind the window I'm working in. Considering the fact that it seems clear to me that my assignment for this time is to write, obedience will mean continuing to work.
There is a level of transparency here, I hope. In my experience, it is very difficult to write or speak convincingly about something that has no depth of meaning to me. One excuse I've given over the past several months for not writing has been that I'm not "qualified" to speak on the topics about which I write. Recently I've learned that it is the very act of writing that brings about change in me. This happens as I dig into God's word and strive to understand what it means in regard to the way I should live. The change also comes about as a result of my examining my heart, or as a result of meditating on lessons learned in God's classroom. In reality, I must write because it is an act of obedience, not because someone else might read it and be blessed, encouraged, or convicted by it.
Dear Heavenly Father, I pray that you will allow me to remove procrastination's mask of respectability in my life. Help me to see that procrastination is just a form of disobedience. Forgive me for the times when I have disobeyed, and give me the wisdom to see your will, and the grace and power to carry it out. I thank you for your kindness and patience with me, and with all of Your children. Help us all to reflect the nature of a God whose name is I AM, who lives in the eternal present. In Christ's name, amen.
My Hope and Vision
I thought this would be a good time to take the opportunity to share a little of what has been growing in my heart over the last few months of writing. First, a little background.
My general interest in writing was discovered back in 8th grade, when we were learning about racism and prejudice in our combined Social Studies and English class. We were given the assignment to write about something we were prejudiced about. I thought hard for several days, trying to think of a topic. I saw myself as a person who viewed things at face value for the most part, a person who seldom allowed myself to make judgements about people based on the group to which they belonged.
As my search for a topic continued, I had a sense of the assignment being unfair, or perhaps too difficult. The thought that eventually came to my mind was this: If only I could come up with a topic, and get my first sentence written, the rest would be easy! It was then that it struck me that I was prejudiced against writing! I had entertained negative thoughts about it before I had given it a chance. This became the topic of my paper, and it was then that I recognized the enjoyment that I have when I express myself in the written word.
A number of years later, I found myself asking questions about life, and finding the answers in Scripture, or in the experiences of life itself. I discovered that there were a lot of answers in the Bible that aren't lying on the surface, so to speak, and I began to enjoy the process of discovery, followed by sharing my discoveries. Obviously I wasn't the first to make these discoveries, but there was a sense of richness that grew out of digging deeper. At this point, I thought it would be great to collect some gems in the form of a book, but for many years I talked about writing more than I wrote.
In the fall of 2010, I had the conviction that it was time for me to stop "not writing". I gave myself the goal of posting one new article a week on this site. At first, I mixed new material with the few articles that I had written in the past, but it wasn't long before I reached the point where there was no more material in reserve, and I had to write if I was going to post.
This has been a new challenge, with new difficulties, and new blessings. I have been forced to go to God's word on a regular basis with more focus than has been my habit in the past.
Along with this, God has brought many people into my life in recent months and years, and there has been a pattern emerging. God has allowed me to see a little bit of the damage done in homes where the father is missing, either through death, divorce, or through emotional distance from his wife and children. While I am not claiming to be the perfect example of fatherhood, I have found myself growing in my focus and passion in this regard, and have grieved and prayed for those who did not receive a healthy dose of fatherly love during their childhoods. I have recognized that some of the damage done by this problem may be difficult at best, to repair in this lifetime. What is possible in some cases, however, is prevention.
Because of the challenges that I have grappled with in my relationship with my family, I have found that there appears to be one thing that has emerged as a key principle in making me more of the husband and father that God wants me to be. This principle is for me to understand and practice what it truly means to love. I know personally that I've had misconceptions about love, and have found that as my understanding has grown, my effectiveness in my role as husband and father has grown as well.
So the goal I have is to study God's Word with regard to love, with regard to Christ's example as one who loves, and our calling as disciples to imitate His love in our relationship with others. It is my hope that at least one man will be challenged by what is written, and begin to search for himself. In pointing others to the transforming power of Scripture, it is my hope that God will rescue at least one child who would otherwise have been, in some sense, an orphan.
Perhaps what is written here will become a book some day, and perhaps not. Without regard to that, I expect to be continuing to write on this and other topics for some time. My request to those who read this, whether you know me or not, is that you will pray for God to give me the words of the Spirit, and that I will also reflect the truths that I share in my own life.