Love is Kind
I'm continuing with the study of the fourth verse of I Corinthians 13, which states:
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant. —I Corinthians 13:4, NASV
Each of the traits of love given here deserves its own attention. We have looked at the patience of love: now we turn our attention to the kindness of love.
It is useful to consider the supreme example of love when we undertake any study of the subject. Scripture states elsewhere that God is love, and says here that love is kind. It is clear that we can see the quality of kindness in God's expression of His love for us. This is most evident in the sacrifice that He provided for our sins, where He showed kindness in taking our punishment upon Himself.
A friend of mine put it well, I think:
When we grow in love, our thoughts are kind. Our judgement of others is tempered by our love. Our thoughts, our plans, our reactions become kind because we love. This, I think, is the result of being loved. The better we know that we are dust, the greater we see God's love for us, the less we feel like being unkind.
This acknowledges the fact that the love in our hearts isn't put there by God in a way that is fully formed. We grow in love, and as we grow, the traits of love become more and more evident.
My first thought regarding kindness was that it means "not unkind". This certainly is true. If we are kind, there are words that will be left unsaid, and thoughts that won't be entertained, because they are not kind. To leave it there, however, is to omit a large part of what kindness is, and what love is. As followers of Christ, our lives are not defined by things that we shouldn't do, but by a broad range of things that we are able to do through Christ who strengthens us.
Here is a look at the Greek word for kind, as used by Paul in this verse. The word is chrēsteuetai, and is actually a verb which means, "it is kind". This word in turn is based on the Greek word, chréstos, an adjective that is defined as useful, gentle, pleasant, or kind. One who is kind, then, is someone who is taking action to provide something that is useful.
In a practical sense, a person who is kind will see the need of another, and fill that need. A common name for slaves in the Graeco-Roman world was Xrestus, which was alternately spelled Xristos or Christus1, and this name was based on this same word for kind or useful. This ties in with the idea of being a servant to the one that we love. We may need to sacrifice our own comfort on behalf of someone else in order to provide kindness, but if the kindness springs from a heart of love, then it will not be bestowed grudgingly.
As is the case with patience, it isn't a matter of love trying to be kind. Love is kind. If we find ourselves lacking a kindly disposition towards another, the first place to go to correct the problem is to the One who can fill our hearts with love. When that is done, our kindness will not be fake.
In all of this, let us remember the fact that every attribute and quality of love has been clearly demonstrated to us by our heavenly Example, and we have been commanded to love others as He loved us. Let us obey this command. Not out of a sense of duty or obligation, but because of our overflowing love for Jesus Christ.
1F. F. Bruce, The Books of Acts, 368
Fatherhood 101
This is not being written from the perspective of someone who thinks they have fully mastered fatherhood. I have made my share of mistakes, and my share of unwise decisions. My perspective is, instead, that of an observer of the high cost of spiritual and emotional orphanhood.
Over recent weeks and months, I have had conversations with people whose mental image of God is tainted by negative experiences with their earthly fathers. Rather than focusing on the negative, I would like to take a little bit of time to look at some of the things that every father should be doing. My desire is to challenge the reader to embark upon their own personal course of godly fatherhood.
Why focus on fathers? Part of the reason, admittedly, is the fact that I am a father myself, and feel more equipped to speak on this topic than on motherhood. There is another reason, though. God has chosen to identify Himself to us as our heavenly Father. There are other titles, but the title "father" is one that carries a personal picture of some sort or other for everyone. Whether a father was present or not, whether he was living during a person's childhood, whether or not he was kind, or patient or loving, are all things that will affect the way a person feels about the word father. By extension, it can have a profound affect on people's feelings about God.
I know a young man who was recently engaged to be married. He is not my son, but I am invested in his life, and in some ways, think of him as a spiritual son. I would like to address this article to him, but the truths that are expressed here will be applicable to all fathers, both present and future. I'll call him Richard.
An Open Letter
Dear Richard,
I was delighted to hear of your engagement. When you experience joy, it gives me joy as well. I still remember the joy of hearing of your decision to follow Christ, and this joy remains one of the greatest joys of my life.
You may ask why I am writing to you about fatherhood when you are just newly engaged. The reason is that fatherhood will be one of the most important and enduring thing that you ever do in your life. There will be plenty to learn about the practical day-to-day details of parenting when it happens to you, and I want you to be as prepared as possible for the spiritual role of fatherhood when it happens. As I mentioned in the introduction, my hope is that this will challenge you to begin a lifelong study.
While being a godly father is a lifelong study, the basic concept is simple but not easy. The concept is to devote yourself to the task of growing into a reflection of the image of your heavenly father.
Both you and I were raised by dads who desired good for us, and I believe I can say we both respect our dads. We need, however, to avoid the natural tendency to shape ourselves after other men and stop there. They may point in a good direction, but we need to look at our prime example of Fatherhood, God Himself.
A good place to start is to learn about Him, as I know you are doing. Pay attention to places in the Bible that refer to God as our Father. In fact, any scripture that mentions the attributes of God should be a place to stop and ruminate.
To be a godly father, and the best we can be, we need to be practical. Any knowledge that we have about the concept will need to be applied before it will do our children any good. With this in mind, I took a few minutes to talk to my children today, to see what they could tell me about how I have helped to shape their picture of God.
One thing that they mentioned was the fact that I leave no opportunity for them to doubt the fact that I love their mother. Since I am commanded by God to love her as Christ loved the church, I need to be reflecting divine nature in this area. (Read Knight in Dented Armor for more on this.) You have the opportunity to prepare yourself for marriage and possible future fatherhood by loving your fiancée now.
Another point mentioned by my children was the fact that I protect them. To me, this is hugely important. How can they feel safe as adults if they feel that "Father" refers to someone who is unconcerned with their physical, spiritual, and emotional safety, or even worse, causes them harm himself.
Presence is another idea one of my children brought up. I know many young people whose fathers are physically absent, because of abandonment or divorce, but in other cases, the fathers are out of the picture because they are spiritually or emotionally absent. I will be honest and admit that I have been more spiritually and emotional present at some times in my life than I have at others. Those times where I did a poorer job at engaging with them are times that I know they suffered.
A couple of additional points can be classified under the heading of love. My children can see that I am concerned for their wellbeing, that I know them, and that I can see their strengths. Love for your children needs to go beyond being a warm fuzzy feeling, and become something that is self-sacrificing.
I'm including a verse here that I find helpful:
Fathers, do not exasperate [stir to anger] your children, so that they will not lose heart. [be dismayed] - Colossians 3:21 NASV (Brackets are alternate translation.)
Yes, sometimes I need to do things that my children are not happy with. I work hard not to exasperate them though. The warning here is that doing so may make our children lose heart, or be dismayed. This loss of heart can be long-lasting, as I have found when talking to adults with fathers that did not heed this advice.
Your brother in Christ,
Peter
Conclusion
This letter and accompanying introduction and conclusion barely scratch the surface, but hopefully it is enough to challenge the reader to search for more.
I will close with a couple of points:
Sons need their fathers to be examples of the best definition of manhood. Strength under control, godly wisdom, fierce desire to protect women and children. Fathers must demonstrate respect for women, starting with their wives. As young men mature, they need to be given the opportunity to make the transition from boyhood to manhood. Fathers may not be able to make this transition easy, but we have the ability to make it more difficult. Let us trust in God to help us not to do that.
Daughters need to have their fathers protection. As they grow, shower them with love, and celebrate their beauty, letting them know that beauty starts within. Fathers must let their daughters know that nothing will ever cause them to lose Dad's love. It is important to get your wife's perspective and input, since she has the experience of being a young girl, where you do not.
Both sons and daughters need loving and gentle correction. Sometimes they will need to be jolted awake in ways that will make them uncomfortable. They must always know that your love is present during times of correction and discipline. Children need to be taught from the Word of God. The responsibility for this lies with parents.
Every father will make mistakes. When you do, go back to your children and apologize, and ask for their forgiveness.
Above all, trust in the power of the Holy Spirit who lives inside of you. This Holy Spirit is the spirit of God, THE FATHER. God is our example, but He also gives us the desire and the power to follow His example.
A New Name
Sometimes we learn things as a result of the questions we ask. I remember reading in the book of Revelation, probably when I was a teenager, and seeing the passage in the letters to the churches where the overcomer was promised a white stone and a new name:
He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To him who overcomes, to him I will give some of the hidden manna, and I will give him a white stone, and a new name written on the stone which no one knows but he who receives it. — Revelation 2:17 NASB
The question that came to my mind was about the name, and about the fact that the only person who knew the name was the person who received it. "What on earth is the point of having a name if no one knows what it is?"
I asked the question, but to be honest, I didn't actively pursue an answer. It was quite a number of years later, that God began to speak to me about it, and began to shed light on the beauty of such a gift. Recognizing this beauty isn't always automatic for our current culture, so I want to share what the new name has come to mean to me.
To begin with, let's start out with what a name is in our culture. Although some parents know the meaning of their children's names, there are many who choose a name just because of the fact that they like the way it sounds. The purpose of our names is that of a "handle" or form of address, and in most cases, little more.
In contrast, I believe that names held more significance to the original audience of the book of Revelation. One piece of evidence supporting this, is the number of times in Scripture where a person's name was changed at a particular turning point in their lives. We see Abram, meaning either "exalted father" or "my father is exalted", becoming Abraham, which means "father of a multitude". This name change was given by God when He reaffirmed His covenant with Abraham. Other examples are Sarai, who became Sarah; Jacob, who became Israel, and Saul, who became Paul.
In addition to the changing of names, there are several times when we see a child's birth predicted by God's messenger, and a name being given with that prediction. The most notable example is when the angel told Mary, "She will bear a son, and you shall call his name Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins." — Matt 1:20 NASV
Both of these threads in Scripture (name giving and name changing) suggest that a name isn't just what a person is called, also an indication of who they are. Thinking of it in this way adds more meaning to the gift. As believers, we have come to see our identity being defined by our relationship with God: the fact that we are created in His image, that we belong to Him by purchase, and that we have accepted the righteousness of His Son as the result of His work on the cross.
Now, I believe, we have begun to see how precious our true name can be. In some cases, we might think of the last sentence of the previous paragraph as describing our surname, designating the family to which we belong. There is more, however. Every one of us who have been created in God's image has been created to reflect His nature in a unique way. In this sense, "who we are" is a mystery that is beyond our understanding, since it contains something of the eternal, infinite God.
Not only is our name important in the sense that it describes our general, shared relationship with God, but also in a more personal sense: it defines us in the specific way that we are different from every other redeemed human in creation.
As we consider these things, it may help us to consider another dimension to the significance of names. This idea actually does exist in today's culture in some cases. In close relationships, it is not uncommon for people to have special names for one another. A parent might call their child, "sweetie". Husband and wife may address one another as "dear". These names describe something of the relationship between two people.
The thought of being defined by a name given to us by God is amazing to begin with. The fact that it goes beyond this to expressing our relationship with Him, is even more amazing. Now, when we consider the fact that this name is a secret between us and Him, it starts to hit home. This name is not just "my child", or "sweetie" or "dear". It is something that is so sacred and intimate that our heavenly bridegroom wants it to be a secret between just the two of us.
I don't claim to have come to a complete understanding of what the gift of the new name means, but I see the promise of a name, saying that my identity is established by God. I see the promise of a new name, which indicates that I am not the same person I was before I said yes to Him. I see the promise of a secret name, which tells me that there is an element to my relationship with God that is so precious to Him, that He doesn't want anyone to know but me.
This fills me with wonder. I hope it fills you with wonder as well.
In a future article, we will take some time to look at the white stone upon which our new name is written.